The Darkness

The Darkness (2016)
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The Darkness – Don’t, just……. no, don’t.

The Darkness sucks so badly. It is the worst movie I’ve seen in a cinema since I saw Prêt-à-Porter (1994) over twenty years ago. That’s right, The Darkness has just managed to challenge a 20-year-old record. It is awful.

Okay, so you’re still reading. I’m guessing you want to give it a chance. Maybe you don’t believe it’s THAT bad. I get it. This movie stars Kevin Bacon (Footloose, The Following, and so many other things), Radha Mitchell (Pitch Black, Rogue, Neighbours, are just a few of her credits), David Mazouz (he’s BATBOY for Christ’s sake!!), Paul Reiser (Aliens, Mad About You) and Jennifer Morrison (House, Once Upon A Time). It was Directed by Greg McLean (Wolf Creek), Produced by, among others, Jason Blum (who has worked on, the Insidious, Paranormal Activity, and Sinister franchises). My point being, with so much B-Grade talent and experience, how did nobody catch this?

The Darkness seems to have undergone a few script changes, and then everybody was given a different copy. The continuity is crazy, and there were times I literally wanted to throw stuff at the screen. One moment the mother is telling the father to wake up and see what’s going on, a minute later, in a  different scene, he’s accusing her of closing her eyes to what’s happening. We are forced, on a number of occasions, to sit through a YouTube video explaining the evil of some ancient Indian ancestor creature things, which seem to be the main resource material being used to examine the supernatural happenings in the family home, but later in the movie, when this same Indian tribe is mentioned, everyone looks a little surprised and Kevin Bacon mutters something about seeming to recall them. SEEMING TO RECALL THEM!!!!! THEY’VE BEEN THE CRUX OF YOUR WHOLE STINKIN’, STUPID MOVIE.

Seriously, someone fell asleep at the wheel on this one. Probably the writers, maybe the editing team, perhaps the actors (given that movies are generally not filmed in order, I can imagine continuity issues and making sense of a storyline could easily slip by the cast), but the Director? No, he should have been all over this.

Sadly, there are some good graphic effects here. The hand prints appearing on walls and bad covers, shadowy apparitions. The dog attack scene is also quite well done. Even the general premise lends itself to a decent supernatural horror film. They are wasted. What a shame they can’t be cut out and used a in better, far more deserving film.

This isn’t so bad it’s good. This is just bad. And boring. And if the creators of this nonsense don’t care, why should we?

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